it's time to find my own inspiration
how i got here...
i've been drawing since before i can remember - it's always been my favourite activity. when i was a kid, i would come home after school and draw every night. i kept all my drawings in a binder. it was mainly anime girls holding their hands behind their back. in highschool i started taking art more seriously in the hopes of making a career out of it - i would draw in my sketchbook as much as i could and started learning the fundamentals. i loved drawing original characters and occassional fanart of media i enjoyed. i felt like i had a reason to draw every single day.
after highschool, i studied concept art and illustration at uni and would draw shipping fanart of my favourite characters in my own time. between 2018-2019 i felt truly excited to draw for myself. now i work as a concept artist full time! i learned a lot in university, but between trying to please my lecturers and prove that i was a SERIOUS concept artist who liked MECHS and ALIEN LANDSCAPES (btw this is just what i thought 'serious' concept art was at the time.), while also trying to appease people online with my secret fanart, i stopped making art for myself and lost my reason to create. it can be easy to confuse the need for validation with passion.
that said, it's not as depressing as it sounds. i generally enjoy work and still draw in my free time!! the process of drawing is pleasant and relaxing to me, and i like improving my skills. but i'd like to discover what truly drives me to create art again, beyond getting likes on twitter or approval from my boss at work. what subject matter? what themes? if no one cared or saw, what would i make? it's time to find my own inspiration!
written 05/03/23