my relationship with art

this is my starting point and the reason i'm making this site! i'd like to improve my relationship with art and find my own voice and passion again.

  • back home
  • it's time to find my own inspiration

    my relationship with art is currently like this... i wish i was ursula, but i am kiki O(-(

    how i got here...

    i've been drawing since before i can remember - it's always been my favourite activity. when i was a kid, i would come home after school and draw every night. i kept all my drawings in a binder. it was mainly anime girls holding their hands behind their back. in highschool i started taking art more seriously in the hopes of making a career out of it - i would draw in my sketchbook as much as i could and started learning the fundamentals. i loved drawing original characters and occassional fanart of media i enjoyed. i felt like i had a reason to draw every single day.

    after highschool, i studied concept art and illustration at uni and would draw shipping fanart of my favourite characters in my own time. between 2018-2019 i felt truly excited to draw for myself. now i work as a concept artist full time! i learned a lot in university, but between trying to please my lecturers and prove that i was a SERIOUS concept artist who liked MECHS and ALIEN LANDSCAPES (btw this is just what i thought 'serious' concept art was at the time.), while also trying to appease people online with my secret fanart, i stopped making art for myself and lost my reason to create. it can be easy to confuse the need for validation with passion.

    that said, it's not as depressing as it sounds. i generally enjoy work and still draw in my free time!! the process of drawing is pleasant and relaxing to me, and i like improving my skills. but i'd like to discover what truly drives me to create art again, beyond getting likes on twitter or approval from my boss at work. what subject matter? what themes? if no one cared or saw, what would i make? it's time to find my own inspiration!

    written 05/03/23


  • 2007 - watched anime for the first time (7 years old)
  • 2008-2010 - drawing was my favourite hobby!
  • 2011-2013 - stopped drawing in favour of writing instead. had a lot of fun making up characters and storylines
  • 2014-2017 - picked up drawing again and started taking it seriously, learing the fundamentals and keeping regular sketchbooks. learned there were jobs in lookdev and concept art and wanted to pursue it. had an instagram and tumblr where i would share my art. mainly had fun drawing whatever i felt like.
  • 2018-2020 - uni, doing a degree focused on concept art and entertainment design. learning a lot.
  • 2018, july - made a secret account to draw fanart of a pairing from a popular anime/manga.
  • 2018, december - tumblr nsfw ban - moved to twitter as primary social media and secret fanart account became my main account (though only close friends IRL know about it).
  • 2019 - i think this is when i lost my passion and no longer drew for myself. my main focus was to appease my lecturers or followers on social media.
  • 2020, november-2021, august - graduated uni and took a break from academia, mainly drew fanart and studies.
  • 2021, august-present - started working as a concept artist fulltime!
  • 2023, february - created this website, though it was mainly just a diary
  • 2023, april - announced social media hiatus until 2024. no longer posting art online anywhere in the hopes this will help me draw for myself again.
  • 2023, may - picked up watercolour painting again, doing more traditional sketching.
  • present (2023, june)- revamped this website to focus on my art journey!